This post has been deleted because of too much of negative criticisms! If you are very much curious to know what it was send me a personal mail at bluegenetic@gmail.com.
For those who gave negative critcisms: Wait, till I get my hands on you people!! :-)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Office
I happened to observe some of the idiosyncratic behaviours of people in the corporate field. Though these are considered as highly refined behaviours in the glossary of so called professional ethics, it made me laugh as usual.
There was one guy named Bob(resemblance purely coincidental! If u are Bob, you are a great person. You are superman. Happy?!). He was an employee in a private concern where i was also working. He was so sincere that he will decamp the office only after his boss leaves. Hmmm... I'm not sure whether you got it right or not? What i meant was he'll be waiting for the boss to leave!
Now... this Bob finds happiness in pretending to love his work. He'll come early to office and... yeah... he'll leave only after his boss. And of course... he'll ensure that his boss was aware of all these things. Actually... i was unaware of these things. At first sight, it appeared to me that he was an honest, sincere (...no.. not police officer!)employee. But one day, unfortunately, i happened to come early to office before my boss. And to my surprise, I saw Bob in his seat. Guess what he was doing? Ya... He was working.
You are wrong!
He was calling his friends through office phone!
I had never seen Bob using his telephone when his boss was around. He'll quietly come to my cabin, (which is by God's grace far off from the boss's cabin) make a myriad of calls and depart quietly.
And one fine morning, Boss mailed to everyone in a group mail:
----------------------------------
From: bossofbob@bobsboss.com
To: flatteringmachines@company.com
Sub: Information
Hi,
It is found that the expenditure on telephone bills is exceptionally high. And the numbers dialled are pleonastic.
As a first cut measure, all outgoing numbers will be monitored. Please take this into consideration and try to reduce unwanted calls.
Warm regards,
Boss
----------------------------------
Our company's kitchen contains a variety of fruit juices for employees. And the best part was it was for free. But the worst part is that you have to cross the boss's room to get to the kitchen. I usually don't bother in crossing him to get the juice(after all I work!!). But... for Mr.Bob, it was irksome. And I became a victim of his irksomeness. He'll directly come to me pretending as a change to reduce his work stress and drink the whole lot of juice and go away appreciating the aesthetical taste of the juice.
Bob is known for his grandiloquence. He used to blow about his accomplishments, the tasks which he had completed etc.. considering it as a great feat. But whenever he speaks with his boss, he palavers in such a way that would look like a boy writing a beautiful poem about his ugly girlfriend to woo her. (Ok.. Lovers! You people are great.) All his pompousness would evanesce away.
Mr. Bob's wife was Alice. Alice was a pretty woman with all the expectations of a typical house wife. And she never liked these sort of behaviors of Bob especially Bob coming home late at odd hours. One day she got steamed that she quietly mailed to Bob's boss.
----------------------------------
From: alice@amusingsilhouettes.com
To: bossofbob@bobsboss.com
Sub: Warning!!
Dear Boss of Bob,
It is found that my husband, Mr. Bob, working under you is not returning home at the proper time. Don't you have any other work other than giving work to my husband? Don't you have a wife or family? Are you a divorced man? Hereafter I want you to allow my husband to leave the office early. Else you would have to face severe consequences.
Yours angrily,
Alice
----------------------------------
Meanwhile in the lion's room.
Boss: "Bob... Whom do you admire more? Me or your wife?"
Bob: "Of course you Boss!!" (In your dreams baby!!)
Boss: "Hmmm... Bob... Family is more important than company. Of course company is also important. But.. You've to balance both. You see.. I don't want you to stay late in night and finish the work. You can come early say by 7 AM in the morning and leave early by say 10 PM(?!) in the night. What I want is 12 to 14 hrs of work. Then you can go home and enjoy with your family.."
Bob: "Sure Boss!"
Boss: "And tell your wife that I liked her mail.."
Bob: "Did she mail you boss??"
Boss: "Yes.. She wanted me to leave you soon. She is thinking I'm holding you in office. Am I holding you? Am I forcing you to stay late in office?"
Bob: "Definitely no boss.. I like to serve you. I like to work with you boss!"
Boss: "Hmmm... You see even I have a wife.."
Bob: "Oh.. That's great boss!!"
Boss: "But... I don't like her!"
Bob: "Yeah... Wives are a hindrance boss."
Boss: "I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.."
Bob: "Sure boss.. For me.. Company is first. Family next."
Boss: "But you must have some time for you family also."
Bob: "Boss.. This company is my first family. You are like my wife..."
Boss: ??
Bob: "I mean you are very important to me like my wife. In fact you are more important than my wife.."
Boss: "Oh.. Ok... I really like your spirit. By the way.. Can you drop my kids to school tomorrow as I need to attend the company's general meeting."
Bob: "Sure boss!"
Boss: "Also please drop my wife in the beauty parlor."
Bob: "With pleasure boss!!"
Finally after seeing all these things, unable to control myself, I directly went to Bob.
"I have one question to u Mr.Bob.... What are u?!"
Bob replied... "I'm Bob - Blandishing Office Buffoon!!"
A Note to Bob:
Dear Bob,
I'm really sorry to use your name. I know that you've been of great help along with Alice in developing the RSA Algorithm. But you see... I like you very much. And when I thought of a name for this character, immediately your name came to my mind. Am sure you would understand the situation and forgive me for the same.
Kind regards,
Bharath
There was one guy named Bob(resemblance purely coincidental! If u are Bob, you are a great person. You are superman. Happy?!). He was an employee in a private concern where i was also working. He was so sincere that he will decamp the office only after his boss leaves. Hmmm... I'm not sure whether you got it right or not? What i meant was he'll be waiting for the boss to leave!
Now... this Bob finds happiness in pretending to love his work. He'll come early to office and... yeah... he'll leave only after his boss. And of course... he'll ensure that his boss was aware of all these things. Actually... i was unaware of these things. At first sight, it appeared to me that he was an honest, sincere (...no.. not police officer!)employee. But one day, unfortunately, i happened to come early to office before my boss. And to my surprise, I saw Bob in his seat. Guess what he was doing? Ya... He was working.
You are wrong!
He was calling his friends through office phone!
I had never seen Bob using his telephone when his boss was around. He'll quietly come to my cabin, (which is by God's grace far off from the boss's cabin) make a myriad of calls and depart quietly.
And one fine morning, Boss mailed to everyone in a group mail:
----------------------------------
From: bossofbob@bobsboss.com
To: flatteringmachines@company.com
Sub: Information
Hi,
It is found that the expenditure on telephone bills is exceptionally high. And the numbers dialled are pleonastic.
As a first cut measure, all outgoing numbers will be monitored. Please take this into consideration and try to reduce unwanted calls.
Warm regards,
Boss
----------------------------------
Our company's kitchen contains a variety of fruit juices for employees. And the best part was it was for free. But the worst part is that you have to cross the boss's room to get to the kitchen. I usually don't bother in crossing him to get the juice(after all I work!!). But... for Mr.Bob, it was irksome. And I became a victim of his irksomeness. He'll directly come to me pretending as a change to reduce his work stress and drink the whole lot of juice and go away appreciating the aesthetical taste of the juice.
Bob is known for his grandiloquence. He used to blow about his accomplishments, the tasks which he had completed etc.. considering it as a great feat. But whenever he speaks with his boss, he palavers in such a way that would look like a boy writing a beautiful poem about his ugly girlfriend to woo her. (Ok.. Lovers! You people are great.) All his pompousness would evanesce away.
Mr. Bob's wife was Alice. Alice was a pretty woman with all the expectations of a typical house wife. And she never liked these sort of behaviors of Bob especially Bob coming home late at odd hours. One day she got steamed that she quietly mailed to Bob's boss.
----------------------------------
From: alice@amusingsilhouettes.com
To: bossofbob@bobsboss.com
Sub: Warning!!
Dear Boss of Bob,
It is found that my husband, Mr. Bob, working under you is not returning home at the proper time. Don't you have any other work other than giving work to my husband? Don't you have a wife or family? Are you a divorced man? Hereafter I want you to allow my husband to leave the office early. Else you would have to face severe consequences.
Yours angrily,
Alice
----------------------------------
Meanwhile in the lion's room.
Boss: "Bob... Whom do you admire more? Me or your wife?"
Bob: "Of course you Boss!!" (In your dreams baby!!)
Boss: "Hmmm... Bob... Family is more important than company. Of course company is also important. But.. You've to balance both. You see.. I don't want you to stay late in night and finish the work. You can come early say by 7 AM in the morning and leave early by say 10 PM(?!) in the night. What I want is 12 to 14 hrs of work. Then you can go home and enjoy with your family.."
Bob: "Sure Boss!"
Boss: "And tell your wife that I liked her mail.."
Bob: "Did she mail you boss??"
Boss: "Yes.. She wanted me to leave you soon. She is thinking I'm holding you in office. Am I holding you? Am I forcing you to stay late in office?"
Bob: "Definitely no boss.. I like to serve you. I like to work with you boss!"
Boss: "Hmmm... You see even I have a wife.."
Bob: "Oh.. That's great boss!!"
Boss: "But... I don't like her!"
Bob: "Yeah... Wives are a hindrance boss."
Boss: "I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.."
Bob: "Sure boss.. For me.. Company is first. Family next."
Boss: "But you must have some time for you family also."
Bob: "Boss.. This company is my first family. You are like my wife..."
Boss: ??
Bob: "I mean you are very important to me like my wife. In fact you are more important than my wife.."
Boss: "Oh.. Ok... I really like your spirit. By the way.. Can you drop my kids to school tomorrow as I need to attend the company's general meeting."
Bob: "Sure boss!"
Boss: "Also please drop my wife in the beauty parlor."
Bob: "With pleasure boss!!"
Finally after seeing all these things, unable to control myself, I directly went to Bob.
"I have one question to u Mr.Bob.... What are u?!"
Bob replied... "I'm Bob - Blandishing Office Buffoon!!"
A Note to Bob:
Dear Bob,
I'm really sorry to use your name. I know that you've been of great help along with Alice in developing the RSA Algorithm. But you see... I like you very much. And when I thought of a name for this character, immediately your name came to my mind. Am sure you would understand the situation and forgive me for the same.
Kind regards,
Bharath
Monday, October 6, 2008
Parents go to kindergarten
It was day one. All children had brought their respective parents to drop them on the first day. Some affluent parents had laptops to show that they are busy in spite of strict order from the principal that laptops aren't allowed inside the school campus.
All parents agglomerated in the prayer hall. Some parents as usual came behindhand running in the corridor continuing their house jousts. The prayer started. Suddenly one father peed in his pant. The teacher (male!!) took him to the toilet.
After the prayer got over, all parents went to their respective classes. The class teacher entered. One parent was industrious with his laptop finishing his business deal. This caught the sight of the teacher. Though the parent succeeded in finishing his business deal successfully, he got nice beatings (in his bum!) with a cane for violating the school rule. A video of the same was recorded and a copy was sent to his son.
The teacher started the class.
"A for Apple..."
All parents kept mum blinking at each other. One father was busy in catapulting papers at the mothers who were sitting on the other side. And unfortunately it fell over the wife of the one sitting next to him. Out broke a dog fight! The teacher came and screwed the ears of the wrangling fathers, when each one of them blamed the other trying to protect themselves. Both were given notices of detention along with a report mentioning about their bad behavior which they have to get it signed from their respective children.
The class got over. It was playtime. The teacher asked the parents to form themselves into groups and play game of any sort they wished. One naughty father went to another mother and asked,
" Shall we play the game of Father and Mother?!"
"WHACK!!!!!!"
The games session was followed by lunch.
Father 1: "Today I cooked"
Father 2: "Everyday I cook!"
Three mothers were having lunch together...
Mother 1: "Today is my hubby's birthday"
Mother 2: "Really? My hubby's too!"
Mother 1: "Oh.. who's your hubby?"
Mother 2: "The one standing there with the blue shirt.."
Mother 1: "Really? He is my hubby too!"
Mother 3: "??!!"
One newly married couple....
Man: "Honey... You are looking beautiful!"
Woman: "Thank you.. Honey.."
Man: "But today's class teacher was gorgeous!"
Woman: "Get lost!"
Lunch session got over.
Teacher: "Parents.... Go and sleep in your respective beds.."
Parent: "Dear teacher. I usually smoke to get some sleep... Do you have a lighter?!"
Teacher: "?!"
Meanwhile that naughty parent gets one more slap by asking the lady the same question.... "Can we play the game of father and mother now?"
After an hour, everyone woke up. Classes started again.
Teacher: "A for Apple"
Parent 1: "I hate apple.. Shall we have something like... A for Anna Kournikova?!"
Teatime...
Parents: (Chorus)"We want HOT Drinks! We want Brandy! We want Whisky!"
School got over. Notices were written in the school book of all parents.
"Dear Child... Please come back... Let your parents go to office!"
All parents agglomerated in the prayer hall. Some parents as usual came behindhand running in the corridor continuing their house jousts. The prayer started. Suddenly one father peed in his pant. The teacher (male!!) took him to the toilet.
After the prayer got over, all parents went to their respective classes. The class teacher entered. One parent was industrious with his laptop finishing his business deal. This caught the sight of the teacher. Though the parent succeeded in finishing his business deal successfully, he got nice beatings (in his bum!) with a cane for violating the school rule. A video of the same was recorded and a copy was sent to his son.
The teacher started the class.
"A for Apple..."
All parents kept mum blinking at each other. One father was busy in catapulting papers at the mothers who were sitting on the other side. And unfortunately it fell over the wife of the one sitting next to him. Out broke a dog fight! The teacher came and screwed the ears of the wrangling fathers, when each one of them blamed the other trying to protect themselves. Both were given notices of detention along with a report mentioning about their bad behavior which they have to get it signed from their respective children.
The class got over. It was playtime. The teacher asked the parents to form themselves into groups and play game of any sort they wished. One naughty father went to another mother and asked,
" Shall we play the game of Father and Mother?!"
"WHACK!!!!!!"
The games session was followed by lunch.
Father 1: "Today I cooked"
Father 2: "Everyday I cook!"
Three mothers were having lunch together...
Mother 1: "Today is my hubby's birthday"
Mother 2: "Really? My hubby's too!"
Mother 1: "Oh.. who's your hubby?"
Mother 2: "The one standing there with the blue shirt.."
Mother 1: "Really? He is my hubby too!"
Mother 3: "??!!"
One newly married couple....
Man: "Honey... You are looking beautiful!"
Woman: "Thank you.. Honey.."
Man: "But today's class teacher was gorgeous!"
Woman: "Get lost!"
Lunch session got over.
Teacher: "Parents.... Go and sleep in your respective beds.."
Parent: "Dear teacher. I usually smoke to get some sleep... Do you have a lighter?!"
Teacher: "?!"
Meanwhile that naughty parent gets one more slap by asking the lady the same question.... "Can we play the game of father and mother now?"
After an hour, everyone woke up. Classes started again.
Teacher: "A for Apple"
Parent 1: "I hate apple.. Shall we have something like... A for Anna Kournikova?!"
Teatime...
Parents: (Chorus)"We want HOT Drinks! We want Brandy! We want Whisky!"
School got over. Notices were written in the school book of all parents.
"Dear Child... Please come back... Let your parents go to office!"
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