Amusements of a Bachelor

It was sunday. Finally woke up at 11 A. M. because of hunger!

No one at house. Parents had gone to some remote village for some car festival.

Went inside kitchen. Nothing inside the snack box. Opened the fridge to find some dosa dough. Nah! Too lazy to prepare. My overpowering desire to drink coffee forced me to go out and fetch some milk in spite of my laziness.

Apparently, the girl downstairs had just kept some milk for her cat and went inside.

Hmm.. More than enough for a cup of coffee!

"Here.. Kitty Kitty.."

I tried to lift the cat (which was busy drinking) and filch the milk. It started growling and arched its back. Before I could get hold of the milk..

"Scratch!"

"Oww.. My face!"

The cat wrote its signature on my face. The girl came outside panicking.

Girl: "Wh.. What.?.. What happened"

Me: "Your stupid cat scratched my face."

Girl: "Oh. I'm sorry. He usually does when someone tries to take his things. Dunno why he did it now?"

Me: "Its ok. No problem. You carry on."

She went inside. The cat was glaring at me with its back kept arched ready for a fight with me. I quietly went out opening the gate. Called the street dogs inside (Kinda pals.. you see!). After a fierce battle with the dogs, the cat fled the scene. Happy teaching the cat a lesson, I took the milk and came upstairs.

Little did I know that there was no coffee powder left in my house.

"Knock. Knock"

Girl: "Yes"

Me: "Er. Sorry to disturb. Can I have some black coffee?!"

SLLURPPP! AAHHH!

The enjoyment of drinking stolen coffee.. You'll never get it anywhere. Wen't outside just to see that the cat was standing on the compound wall heavily bruised. It was shivering with fear. 

Me: "Hey fella! This is what you get if you mess with me."

The cat ran off.

Came back inside to find that my laptop had been kept on full night. Nearby laid two unwashed coffee tumblers (probably two days old). I added the current tumbler above it. I yawned and scratched my head as I started checking my mails sleepily.

"Knock. Knock"

I opened the door lazily to find the downstairs girl holding her cat.

Girl: "Hi. Sorry for the disturbance. But some street dog(s) attacked kitty and stole its milk. Do you have some please?"

Me: "Just now finished its milk.. Err.. I mean the milk."

Girl: "Omg.. Even the nearby milk store is closed"

Me: (In my mind~ Thank God, I stole its milk!)

The girl left along with her cat.

Slowly my stomach started growling. Time for breakfast. Suddenly the phone rang.

Mom: "Dear. Woke up?"

Me: "Yes ma."

Mom: "Had coffee?"

Me: "Yes ma."

Mom: "I phoned just to remind you to brush your teeth. Did you forget as usual?"

Me: "Yes ma."

Mom: "Hmmm.. You've not bathed for the past two days. Any plans of doing today?"

Me: "Yes ma."

Mom: "Your stinking smell comes here. First brush your teeth and then have bath. I've kept dosa dough in the fridge. Prepare yourselves some dosa. Don't starve. Eat properly time to time. A loaf of bread is also present in the kitchen shelf. Eat it if you are lazy to prepare dosa. Start learning to cook some food. Or else you will struggle to get a girl for marriage. Nowadays girls are very smart. To get a good girl, you've to be either extremely qualified in studies or you should be knowing to cook well. I know how much you struggled to get your graduation. I won't expect more from you. So at least start learning to cook well."

Me: "Yes ma."

Mom: "What yes ma for everything?!"

Me: "Yes ma."

The phone hung up on the other side.

Quickly ran inside kitchen to get hold of the bread. After searching thoroughly, I found out the remnants of bread pieces in the cover being cleaned up by ants.

"Psst!"

Drank some ice water to ease my growling stomach. Could find some vegetables in the fridge. Chose potatoes as it was easier to cut. Dropped some chopped potatoes with some water in the steam pot. Added some chilly, salt and some pepper. Dunno what else add, I came back and opened the fridge.

"Time for creativity", I thought to myself. Got hold of Tomato Ketchup, pickles (3 to 4 varieties) from the fridge. Some potato chips, dal, masala powder, sugar, turmeric, channa and lots of other stuff. In order to cook fast I dumped everything inside the pressure cooker along with the potatoes from the steam pot and placed the pressure cooker on the burning stove.

I went back to my laptop to watch a movie. As moments passed, I dozed..

Somebody woke me up and I faintly identified him as a fireman. I could see many people outside my house. I could see firemen coming out of my kitchen. Apparently the cooker had blast and the entire street had landed in my house to see what had happened. The firemen who had entered breaking the window had already put out the fire. After giving me lot of advices, the mass slowly deserted the place.

Later I went inside the kitchen. The walls and ceilings were painted with burnt pickles and other masala stuff with potato engravings here and there. I could see some twenty missed calls in my phone. Some were from my parents.

Finally, the tragedy of all..

I could see the downstairs girl crying outside. Her cat had got heavily hurt with second degree burns. Apparently the cat had climbed to kitchen via the open window to steal (back) some milk...!

From that day onwards, I decided. Never to cook and never to steal milk from a cat!